My Hope for the New Pope

Courtesy CNN

So we are getting a new pope. Everyone’s eyes are glued to CNN watching the smoke coming from the Sistine Chapel. Will it be white or black? Black meaning either the chapel is burning to the ground from the Cardinals drinking to much of the communion wine or the boxing match to decide who is the new pope did not end in a decisive manner. White meaning there is a new pope or some crazy tourist trying to find his lover from Germany is inside the Chapel setting the pope’s hat on fire.

Whether you are Catholic or not, you have some interest in who the new pope will be. He is one of the most prolific people in the world. Religious affiliation aside, everyone wants to know who the leader of the church will be.

Myself, being Catholic, a not so great one at that, I have a few ideas for the new pope that will help him lead the church.

Allow priests to be married. There are a lot of members of the Catholic church that I am certain would consider being a priest, but they are married. At one point, even I considering becoming a priest, but at the ripe age of 14, finding out that I could not marry, I was immediately turned from that vocation. If priests could have sex, it might help with the child molestation charges. Not to mention, it might bring them closer to God when they scream out their name in bed.

Allow women to be priests. Yes, I know that there are nuns, but come on, why can’t a women be a priest? History, duh! I get it, but I think women are actually closer to God than most men. I know that my wife is. Also, with a priest shortage, you open yourself up to more people who would consider the vocation. But I maybe asking to much of a church that won’t let women choose what can and can not be done with their bodies.

Open up and loosen up. I will be the first to say that I am a disenchanted Catholic. Why? Because there are too many god damn rules. Shit, I just broke one using God’s name in vain. There goes another one, cussing. Well, OK, maybe the cussing part isn’t necessarily a rule but it isn’t allowed in church. Why shouldn’t it be? Could you imagine if a priest just dropped a F-Bomb? Hell, that is reason enough for me to stay awake. And if I could, I would make a drinking a game out of it with the communion wine.

To the point of loosing up, don’t tell me who I should vote for either. I have my own thoughts on politics and most of those thoughts don’t fall in line with the Catholic church. Does that make me a bad Catholic? No, I still believe in God. I still believe in most of what the Catholic church teaches.

Make mass more fun. How? Allow contemporary music and clapping. If you nave never been to a Catholic mass before and went for the first time, you would think you are going into a cult they way the mummies act in church. You can’t talk, better not say Amen during the homily, and if your baby cries you are better off just finding another church all together. I am not saying we need there to be dancing in the pews, but the times that I truly feel close to God is when I am singing a christen song in my car on the drive to work. Why can’t I have that same feeling at church?

Now, I have no clue who the new pope will be, I’m waiting to see if my March Madness bracket pope style will be busted as I have the underdog Peter Turkson from Ghana going all the way. What I really hope is that the new pope will bring the church into modern times. We have been living in the past the last 2013 years. I just hope that the new pope will help me feel less disenchanted then I currently feel.