RTD: Secrets to Love and Intimacy

In order to create and maintain a long-lasting relationship, there are principles that everyone should consider in how to have the best life together possible.  These may not be the only tips, but they can be applied to anyone and everyone.

#5 is that you recognize yourself when you’re with the other person.

Seabrook-WA

This doesn’t mean that you are alike, nor does it mean that opposites attract. What it means is that you don’t have to change who you are to be with that person. That when your old friends see you around the person you’re with they recognize you, and that other person seems to just naturally fit. Now there is a saying that men get with women hoping that they will never change and they do, and women get with men hoping that they’ll change and they never do. However, in all of the things that life comes at you with, the hope is that you will change together and who you are at the center remains the same.

#4 is that you have your own language together.

Forehead Kisses

You could look at this and say that it is a matter of communication, but what it really means is have you learned how to communicate with one another? One of the most useful things my wife and I ever learned to do was to fight properly. Rules of engagement are key to successful interactions when emotions get out of control. It’s how unforgivable things are not said, and it’s how the same fight isn’t rehashed over and over and over. It’s how you can be upset, figure out why you’re upset, and then work together to ease situation,talk through the situation, or move past the situation. It’s how you know that when something goes wrong there is a safe place and if a safe person who always be there and who won’t throw your old failings back in your face.

#3 is Coitus 2.0.

Wedding Dance

I will try to explain this in the way that is easily  understandable.  The first version of almost anything as a matter of what you can get out of it. When you get to the next version like, web 2.0, it’s not a matter of what you get out of it but what you can put into it (no pun intended). What I’m talking about is some Lewis and Clark exploration, being creative without turning into a deviant.  Taking your time to see what you can reap by what you sow, not just hoping it’s always harvest season. In other words put in work and get ‘r done.

#2 is to make a time machine.

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There is no such thing as too busy, too tired, too broke, or to anything else that keeps you from spending all your time or your energy and all your money on the person that you’re with.  And yes it is easier said than done to do that when you’re married and have kids and are working while being pulled in every different direction all at the same time. But when you’re together with someone it doesn’t take a lot it, just takes some deliberate action. Delay something, or be late to something just to spend an extra moment together. Once the kids go to sleep instead of putting on a show,  first ask the questions how are you doingHow was your day?  What do you have going on tomorrow? It doesn’t have to be small-talk, but it can be a small conversation. Once that become part of your routine, then find another moment in the day.

#1 is to just keep swimming.

Together... always

I see no better analogy and in Finding Nemo when they’re swimming down deeper and deeper into the dark ocean depths and all they do is say, just keep swimming… just keep swimming. The only thing to guide them is each other’s voice. Many times when you are in a long-term relationship with someone, married her otherwise, you will see no light at the end of the tunnel, and you won’t know where you’re headed, but the only comfort is the only voice still there next to you. In those times all you can do is stay together and just keep going, being there for one another, and allow that person to be there for you. When you get to the end you’ll be closer than you ever were before.

Continue the discussion on our Facebook Page, and join us Wednesday night of the 11th for our #DadsRT Twitter chat to hang and talk love and relationships after kids.  We start at 6pst/9est. 

~JB

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The Beginning
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