Don’t Like Gay Marriage? Don’t have one.

Love wins

Photo via Please visit their site for some excellent stuff.

I first heard the apocryphal Chinese curse, “May you live in interesting times” from my friend Rabbi Mark Goldfarb. Yes, it is apocryphal, but these last few days have certainly been interesting.

Interesting, how? I’m glad you asked.

The confederate flag will come down across the south. Yes, the flag of the people who would secede from the USA, of those who supported our nation’s most heinous and hateful of institutions, will be taken down from many of the southern states’ official flagpoles. That the confederate flag ever flew after the Civil War is astonishing. The south lost the war. The confederate flag stands for hate and racism. One does not see the Nazi flag flying over a statehouse in Bremen.

What else is interesting? I’m glad you asked.

There is no more “gay marriage.” There is just, merely, only- “marriage.”

Love won out.

There are three ways to look at this.

1) Old school- The “She has … vast tracts of land.”

If marriage was about procreation, then we would be required to undergo fertility tests prior to the issuance of a license. No barren or infertile need apply.

If marriage was about religion, then only those who worshipped a government-approved god would be allowed to marry. No atheists. Agnostics could live together.

If marriage was about property and strategic alliances and women as chattels, we’d still let our fathers dictate our partner.

2) Statistics- As Mark Twain said, “There are lies, damned lies, and statistics.”

According to the CDC there were:

  • 2,118,000 marriages in the USA in 2013
  • 6.8 marriages/thousand in the marriageable population
  • 3.6 divorces/thousand in that same population.
  • In short, slightly more than half of all marriages end up in divorce.

Straight people, we’re not exactly paragons of marital excellence. In a few years, I suspect we’ll find out that gays and lesbians don’t do any better. But I’m all in favor of giving them a chance. As Robin Williams reportedly said, “Gay marriage? ‘Course I’m in favor of gay marriage. All my gay friends should have the same chances as me to f— up a marriage.”

3) God.

I am appalled by fundamentalists of every ilk. So convinced are they that their particular dogma is the only dogma which can bring peace and truth and righteousness to the world, these people are willing to deny basic human rights to all who do not share their belief system. Your particular version of a Supreme Being is not the only version of a Supreme Being. Your invocation of a particular book to validate that Supreme Being does not invalidate the beliefs of those who read a different book or say there is no such thing as a Supreme Being.

Regardless of where you stand: believe or don’t believe, travel with me for a moment, would you please, down a not-so-pleasant memory lane.

  • The various Inquisitions, which lasted hundreds of years, murdered thousands and tortured hundreds of thousands-Jews, Christians, and Moslems alike. God didn’t destroy the world.
  • Slavery was the law of the land in the US for 250 years. 600,000 people were enslaved from Africa during that time. 620,000 soldiers died during the Civil War. God didn’t destroy the world.
  • The Turks massacred 1.5 million Armenians. God didn’t destroy the world.
  • The Nazis slaughtered 12 million people. God didn’t destroy the world.
  • The Rwandan genocide took 1.5 million lives and God didn’t destroy the world.

If a relative handful of gay people want legal acceptance of their love for each other, I believe God is okay with that.

The math is so damn simple. About 3.5% of the population is gay. That’s a measly 11 million folks in this amazing country of ours. Eleven million out of 320 million people. You don’t like same-sex marriage?  Big deal. Don’t have one. You don’t like car racing? Don’t go to car races.

This is so damn simple. You don’t like pudding pops, don’t eat them. But don’t tell a law-abiding citizen that they can’t have any. This is America.


For some interesting looks at marital statistics, check out these sites:

US Census Bureau

Bureau of Labor Statistics

US Center for Disease Control (CDC)

Feature image via CBS News





The Beginning
About David Stanley

Teacher & science guy, writer, musician, coach, skier and bike racer, I am interested… in everything; your story, food & spirits and music and everything in the natural world, spirit & sport. My son is 22 and still needs his Dad. I am 56 and so do I.
I blog on life and death, cancer and sports, kids and education at

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