7 People I Can’t Stand During a Michigan Winter

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My hometown, Flint, Michigan, is at 43 degrees North latitude- nearly midway between the North Pole and the Equator. This is a temperate zone- warm in summer and chilly in winter. Big freaking deal. Wear the right clothes. It’s not that hard.

Herewith, a list of 7 people I can’t stand during a Michigan winter.

7) The girl who says “I’m not going to mess up my hair and make-up with a hat and
scarf so I’ll just wander aimlessly into people because I have to cover up my face
with my hands.

6) The guy who says, “I’m such a chainsmoker that when I get out of my car and it’s
rolled-up tight windows and walk into the grocery store, I reek so badly that I violate all State of Michigan No Smoking health codes.”

5) Flip flops and yoga pants.

4) The asshat who says, “It’s too cold to walk an extra step with my empty grocery cart to the cart corral so I’ll just leave it here in the snow in the middle of the parking lot so everyone else can be inconvenienced.”

3) The girl who posts a screenshot of the weather telling everyone that the temperature is a perfectly normal (for southeast Michigan in January)12 degrees Fahrenheit.

2) The guy who insists on driving 75 mph on the freeway in a blizzard because “I’ve got 4WD” yet is completely ignorant of the fact that while 4WD may get you out of a snowfilled ditch, it is the inviolable laws of physics which state that 4WD won’t help you slow down (plus your wildly egotistic driving habits) that got you into the ditch in the first place.

1) TV Weatherpeople. Yes, we all need a job, and as long as there is weather, you will have a job. Two inches of snow is not an impending disaster to rival Hurricane Katrina. Anyone who needs to be told to cover up is too dumb to cover up (see # 7& #5).
Your advice to “Slow down and be careful out there” is not useful because the guy in #2 doesn’t pay attention to you and the rest of us are already going carefully slow.
Do you truly need an annual Snowmageddon to validate your continued local news network existence? No, you don’t. We like you, really we do, but please, just the facts without the screaming and waving of hands.

Comments

The Beginning
About David Stanley

Teacher & science guy, writer, musician, coach, skier and bike racer, I am interested… in everything; your story, food & spirits and music and everything in the natural world, spirit & sport. My son is 22 and still needs his Dad. I am 56 and so do I.
I blog on life and death, cancer and sports, kids and education at http://dstan58.blogspot.com/

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Comments

  1. Come to southern Indiana, frigging flurries puts this area in a panic

    • I was in Austin, TX one March and they got 1 inch of snow. Freeways were closed. Schools sent the kids home. Churches and centers were on TV telling everyone they could stay with them to avoid the horrors out there. Of course, it all melted by dinner time.

  2. Larry says:

    The weather people can be crazy. They thrive on storms or weather events as they call them and make each snowfall or rain into such an event. I’m convinced that supermarkets control when the weather events are forecast so they can move product.

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