Looking Back at Demons and Infinite Infinities

 On The Importance of Infinity

 

infinities

To quote the book:

“There are infinite numbers between 0 and 1. There’s .1 and .12 and .112 and an infinite collection of others. Of course, there is a bigger infinite set of numbers between 0 and 2, or between 0 and a million. Some infinities are bigger than other infinities.”

Infinity. The amount of time between arriving for treatment and leaving to go back home. Infinity, the amount of hours spent staring at the hospital ceiling. Infinity how long it has been since diagnosis. Infinity. The number of ways I could describe the experience. Infinity. The number of moments I have to hack away at the demons that haunt me. When I was first diagnosed, I had limited infinities to still be here. As treatment went on and became successful, I had limited infinities to have to endure the struggle of treatment. Now, two years after it all began, I have the unlimited infinities of each day I am given.

Still, my infinities are limited. As are the infinities of any human being. I still struggle. I still have issues from treatment that haven’t left me yet. Constant nausea and digestive problems, neuropathy, cognitive function impairment, depression. But within my limited infinities, there are infinite chances to overcome. Infinite chances within a finite lifeline to face demons and feel pain and allow myself to process these things.

It may sound complicated, but truly, it is not. Each moment we have is part of an infinity. Each moment we have provides endless paths for us to take. Whether those paths be easy or difficult to travel. Our infinities on Earth are limited. But we are only limited by how many of these infinities we let pass us by. There are too many infinities in my past that I failed to act on. Too many that I let go by and the memories of them are as blurred as the view through a glass of salt water. They sting the wounds just as bad.

In the end, there has been much growth and much to be learned. Whether my infinities are blessed with happiness or plagued by doubt, I still have them. Two years later, my infinities are no longer as limited as they once were. My demons come and go. My pain swells and dulls. My fears, my anxieties, my depression. They are all part of an infinite set of moments that let me know I am still here. I am still alive.

I still have infinity.

 

 

 

 

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The Beginning
About The Geeky Nimrod

Husband, Father, Thinker, Geek, Mobile Tech Enthusiast, Writer. I am the one who…. Knocks politely and possibly not even loud enough for you to hear. Just another dude on the internet.

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