Without #Coffee I Become an Invalid

One of the things my wife truly enjoys for those she loves is picking out the perfect gift for them.  She loves to surprise people with something that will enhance their life and help them grow and expand their horizons.  I, in contrast, do not enjoy any of those things.  When I find something I like, I may want a better way to do it, but I do not like to deviate from my preferences.  When thinking about desserts, I like Dreyers Mint Chocolate Chip and/or crunchy Chips Ahoy.  She likes making tasty treats like… well, a bunch of things I can’t pronounce or remember.  She has said that this bodes well for her because I apparently like her, and wouldn’t want anything/anyone else.

Coffee anyone?

What does all that have to do with my coffee needs?  I went to make myself a morning latte with our Starbucks Espresso  machine, but there was something missing… MILK!  We had sweetened and unsweetened Almond Milk, which may be healthier, but it just doesn’t taste right.  So, I skipped my normal routine of making myself some Wake-Up-Juice before even getting the kids some cereal, and I paid the price for it.

People, those who witness my coffee intake, ask me what I’m like without coffee.  They wonder if I have massive headaches or if I have cold-sweats on a bed while I convulse.  I tell them that I don’t really have withdrawals, but I do become a narcoleptic.  I get up early, and I go to bed late; my day in between is full of other people’s kids, my own kids, and more of other people’s kids, with some co-worker interaction sprinkled in there.  If I’m lucky, I get to see my wife for a full hour during the day.

So today, (12Nov12) Joe didn’t have his morning Joe, and the result was attack of the Zombie-Dad.  After passing out on the couch and waking up groggy as if I had a wine-hangover, I tried to… I don’t really remember.  I eventually decided to use the Almond Milk we had in our fridge to make a cup of coffee at around 5:45pm. It was HORRIBLE!  But I drank that cup anyway.  I could feel the coherency coming back.  I began to stop groaning and shuffling about and started to speak in sentences… sentences that made sense.  The second part of my evening with my kids went much better than it started.  Without coffee, I truly am an invalid-zombie.


-Joe B


The Beginning
About ManvDadhood

I am a man, and by my wife’s standards that makes me flawed. My challenge to parents, and to myself, is not to teach my kids about the kind of person I hope them to become one day, but to become that person today.

BeerWise: Fruit Beer…

With summer just around the corner you've probably … [Read Article]

Modern Mythologies: Captain America…

[Disclaimer] This was originally published on my … [Read Article]

#DadsRT Winter Vacation Chat…

One of the highlights of the week for the Dads … [Read Article]


  1. Left Coast Dad says:

    You should take your coffee straight, no chaser. Much easier to get by. I, unfortunately, am incapable of human function after a couple of hours if I don’t have my morning coffee. I get headaches and boy do I get crabby. I’ve tried going without and after 3 days my wife couldn’t give me enough. I don’t drink much past noon so it doesn’t affect my sleep, fortunately. I could probably drink coffee throughout the day until dinner and still be able to fall asleep at night.

    wow – as I type this I realize I’ve been drinking coffee steadily now for 30 years.

This is what I think...