Do you have a Parenting Disorder?
Read on and see.
1. Irrational Fears
- Afraid to make any noise after 8pm in case it wakes up the kids and then they’ll stay up for the rest of the night?
- Obsessively reading labels in case they contain an obscure type of plastic that may or may not cause your kids to sprout a third arm?
2. Muscle Tension and Aches
- Do your ankles ache from endless hours of operating the gas and brakes of your taxi service, aka minivan?
- Feeling tense from listening to Frozen and Mighty Machines over and over again at top volume to cover the sounds of sibling rivalry and constant whining?
3. Chronic Indigestion
- Eating antacids like popcorn? Excited when Rolaids or Tums offers a new flavor?
- Stomach upset from eating your food as fast as you can even though it is cold and stale because you’ve spent the past 20 minutes trying to convince your kids to eat and now you’re late for soccer?
4. Sleep Problems
- Is your sleep chronically interrupted by boogiemen in the closet, monsters under the bed, hunger, thirst, bowel movements, or wetting the bed?
- Is the thought of napping your new happy place?
5. Compulsive Behaviours
- Counting slowly to three before any request of your children?
- Constantly repeating “Wash your Hands!” or “Brush your Teeth!” or “Use your Manners!” throughout the day even when you’re alone?
- Do my kids act this way because of me? Am I fit to do this job?
- What was I thinking?! Am I doing more harm than good?
- Do I drink too much? Do I need to drink more?
- Did I remember to pack a milk with that peanut butter sandwich because without milk you can’t eat a peanut butter sandwich and then I’ll get a call from the school secretary saying I forgot to pack a lunch but I’m already nearly late for work because my toddler threw a fit when I dropped him off at daycare!?!!
If more than half of the signs in the list above apply to your parenting experiences, you have a parenting disorder. The more accurately the list describes you, the more severe the disorder.
The official diagnosis:
You are a normal parent.