Yes I Have a Favorite Child

KiddosIt’s true. People ask me all the time if I have a favorite. The answer is undoubtedly yes. There is one of my two that seems to have a more common bond with me. One child seems to always want me more when they are sad or just want to chill. There is one out of my two children that I connect with more. It’s not that I spend an unequal amount of time with each of them. It’s not that I dislike either one of them. I love my children equally and wholeheartedly. But the fact remains, one of them is my favorite.

And it would be my son.

My children are equally loved. They both earned my undivided, unimaginable love simply by being in my life. I’ve been a dad for going on 7 years now, and I have experienced so many emotions I never knew were possible. These include loving emotions, sadness, and even anger. Let’s face it. There are some things you never would imagine getting on your nerves until you have had children. There’s always a new emotion to be discovered as they grow. And I can only imagine this continues for years and years to come.

But this isn’t even about love. It’s not even about which child has the tendency to piss me off more.  Having a favorite has nothing to do with loving one child more than another. Because this simply isn’t the case. This has to do with the fact that I connect more with my son than I do my daughter. I seem to feel that we have more in common that wasn’t a “learned” bond between us. I do have things in common with my daughter, and we have our own special bonding moments. But it’s not the same as what I have with Little Dude.

We share the same uncanny (and somewhat nonsensical) sense of humor. We enjoy the same kinds of music, playing air guitar, and throwing it down on the air drums. We both like space, science, and history. I don’t have to sit him down to teach him something new. He will stumble across something that draws his interest, and then come ask me what I know. If I don’t know much about it, we then sit down and learn together. We practice sports together, we do chores together. We have a deep bond that will hopefully remain undamaged and unbroken for many more years.

Don’t get me wrong though. I would be lying saying there aren’t moments we butt heads, or that he doesn’t piss me off with something, or flat-out get on my nerves. He’s six. There’s plenty of those moments. Bugging me about something on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, or running around making annoying sounds, or the way he thinks it is funny to sneak up behind me and pretend to spit on my neck. I can’t stand those times. And I typically make it known.

Now let’s look at the bond between my daughter and I. I’m the go to guy for getting things done. Opening Capri Suns, getting the lids off pop bottles. I’m the one who can untangle any shoestring and lift any object out of the way of the bike. I’m the healer of boo boos and the terminator of anything that causes fright. My daughter looks at me largely as the protector and the maintenance man. She also has a certain fear of me cause she tends to incur more punishment than my son. She’s a lot more hardcore about pushing the limits of my rules, and is unafraid to break those boundaries at any time. So she knows when my voice gets louder or I jump off the couch, her grand plans to dominate are going south in a heartbeat. We do have our nice daddy/daughter moments too. Hanging out on the couch to watch TV, playing makeup and dress up. We sing, we dance, and we have a great time.

But the truth of the matter is that I don’t have the same strength of a bond with my daughter that I do my son. Some people say it’s because we are too much alike. We think too much alike, our tempers are too much alike, and we’re just too close to being the same person to ever get along nicely. We don’t share the same tastes in learning, or music, or play time joys. She doesn’t come to me for everything like my son does. Perhaps there is a difference in the bond with a daughter than the bond with the some. Maybe I have some sort of mental block that makes me feel things differently with her than I do my son.

I don’t know. I can’t explain it in great detail.

I love both of my children greatly and equally. Neither one gets any preferential treatment. I don’t discipline one more than the other, and often times I discipline the wrong one if I get the account of events mixed up. I don’t dislike or hate my kids. I just bond differently with them. Is it wrong? Does it make me a bad parent? I’ve been told yes to both of those. Honestly? I don’t give a rats ass what other parents think of my decision to say I have a favorite. Because at the end of the day, my children will speak for what kind of dad I am. The favorite or not. And when it comes to how I’ve left my mark as a parent, nothing else even matters. They are my children, favorite or not. And nothing can ever change that.

Comments

The Beginning
About The Geeky Nimrod

Husband, Father, Thinker, Geek, Mobile Tech Enthusiast, Writer. I am the one who…. Knocks politely and possibly not even loud enough for you to hear. Just another dude on the internet.

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Comments

  1. Larry says:

    Bonding differently with kids seems natural to me. They are different people and therefore you react to them in a different way. However, to say you have a favorite child is not the same thing. While this may be true for me to some degree, I wouldn’t want to document it.

    • I have to disagree that it’s not the same thing. Many things make up the bonds we have with our kids. Whether it is a bond made by the heart, or a bond shared over common interest. For me, I bond more with my son because of common interests. The same that my daughter bonds with my wife over common interests. Everything that connects us makes up the bonds we form.

      I can agree that yes, they are two different people and that we do react to them in different ways. And perhaps that’s why I can say without guilt that my son is the favorite child right now.

      Now is this to say it will always be this way? Probably not. But I think if every parent really sat down and looked deep at how they are with their children, they will find that one of them comes to mind more, seems to share more in common, or as the title suggests, seems to be a favorite.

This is what I think...

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