Will Your Focus Destroy Your Family?

You’ve heard it said that you become what you focus on. For instance, if you focus on positive outcomes, you become a positive person. The same is true of focusing on negative outcomes, however you become a negative person.


I’ve come face-to-face with becoming what I focus on, and truth be known, I’m disgusted with the results. My focus has left a wake of heartache, disappointment, broken trust, and many sleepless nights.

I have focused on myself long enough that I discovered I don’t like me very much. I found that I have selfishly built an image that I can no longer maintain, and I have used the appearance of being an active father and devoted husband as a platform to build my own ego. I had put myself on a pedestal and now, I am grateful that it has been kicked out from under me.

From the outside looking in, I had manufactured a desirable life. I had even fooled myself. I was a leader in the workplace, served faithfully in my Church, spent time with my children, and doted over my wife constantly. If I’m honest, looking back, I was selfishly serving others so that I could serve myself. I was intentionally putting myself where I could be seen and recognized.

My self fabricated kingdom would fall in February of 2013. I had built up my walls on a foundation of sand, and now the Kingdom of Chad was at risk if it did not shrink immediately. I desperately needed to stop focusing on me, or risk losing everything – wife, family, friends, everything.

The straw that broke the camels back? I found pleasure in having my ego stroked by another woman. In just under two weeks, I had exchanged an enormous amount of texts with someone other than my wife. They were not sexual in nature, and started out innocent enough, but ultimately, they were building towards ruining my marriage. Had I not been confronted about them, I have no doubt one bad decision would lead to another and I would be writing from a very different perspective.

Parents take warning. Learn from my mistakes and accept my story as payment of the “stupid tax.”

If you become what you focus on, focus on your family. Start by focusing on your spouse. Husbands, pursue your wife and show her love daily. Practice kindness, mercy, grace, and respect. This is the best way to raise great kids for they will model your behavior.

As I restore the trust of my wife and strengthen my marriage, I am more motivated than ever to place emphasis on my actions as a parent by being a good husband. It is my desire to model for my son how to be a husband and treat his wife. More so, I want to set a high standard for the future husband of my daughter.

In closing, I encourage you to take immediate inventory of your marriage. How’s your level of communication? Are your open and vulnerable or closed off and distant? Do you approach your spouse with kindness and respect? Does mercy and grace live in your home, or are your critical and spiteful? Protect your home by guarding your heart and your thoughts. Do not let the destruction of selfishness and ego be the legacy you leave your children.

Are you modeling the spouse you want your children to one day become? What’s one thing you can change today to begin building a better marriage? Leave a comment below, we’d love to support you in your journey to being a better spouse and father.


The Beginning
About Chad Miller

I'm an active Husband and Dad to a son and daughter. I passionately pursue, encourage, and inspire others to help change the image of Dads from family idiot to Family Leader. You can follow my journey at ReWritingDad.com.

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  1. Thank you for writing such a candid and personal post. A woman who gives a man attention can be a dangerous combination and I’m glad you recognized it early. Sometimes we look for ways to fulfill voids in our relationships but am happy that you turned back toward your marriage and rejected the seductive lure. Good warning for us all.

  2. It would certainly be nice if more people benefited from the stupid tax but it seems the lure of assisted narcissism is too great. Love your brutal honesty and love that you revealed the myth of parent/family blogging. Writing and promoting a site that almost exclusively uses the first person is a wolf in sheep’s clothing because the true emphasis is the writer. Look at what I do for my family. Look at how I am a good parent. Look at how I help in the community.

    Love your writing and your perspective. Hopefully you are able to achieve your goal of becoming more selfless.

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