Nobody Teaches Us How to Be Parents: Raising Tomorrow’s Dads

beach pic for DadsRTThere is no test or certification that proves that you’re ready to take on the responsibility of raising a child. Carrying a flour sack around your high school hallways doesn’t really show you what it’s like to care for your son every single day.

You have to hope that you had good examples. Or even bad examples. And enough sense to figure out the good from the bad. Or the right from the wrong. Even though there is no actual right or wrong.

My husband, Travis, and I are still pretty early in the process but as far as I can tell we haven’t messed up too badly yet. I mean, I’d know… right?

Our boy, Jack is almost 14 months old and I haven’t taken him to a tanning salon or forgot about him at the grocery store. Travis hasn’t attached the laundry basket to the tractor to pull him across the lawn. Actually, that one sounds kind of fun. Wait, did I just fail a parenting test?

We have mixed examples of how to do this parenting thing. Looking at our own parents and our peers, it seems easy to pick and choose what we think works to grow a contributing member of society. That’s our goal right – to grow children who are actually GOOD people?

Here’s the thing though, there is no recipe that you can follow that will result in the “perfect” person every single time. So you know what we do?

We wing it.Joules - pic 1 - swing

Which sounds quite odd for me, considering that I’ve been a Type A overachiever throughout my entire life. Something crazy happened when I got pregnant though, I just went with it. I didn’t worry about the whole labor thing (even though I’m a wimp when it comes to pain) because I reasoned that he was going to come out one way or another no matter what I had to say about it. When Jack screamed his way into the world 2 months early, I wasn’t ready for him. But who can truly be ready for anything when it comes to a child?

So we wing it.

We continue living our life as we lived it before. We love. We laugh A LOT. We truly appreciate the gift that we were given when our healthy little boy joined our lives.

Yes, our goal is to raise a good person. I mean, nobody goes into this wanting to raise a whiny, entitled little brat. Sometimes we stumble through parenting, catching our feet on every bump in the road. Other times, the direction seems so clear and everything falls into place.

Like every parent we want our son to be happy and successful. To one day be an amazing adult and an amazing dad to his own children.

So, we wing it. And hope for the best.

 

Joules - pic 2 - beach

 

Julie Dellinger (aka Joules from Pocketful of Joules) has been blogging since 2011 on everything from losing a job, finding a new one, selling a house, buying a house, moving twice, getting pregnant and popping out a baby 2 months early. She’s a full time working mother, a blogger, a DIYer, a writer and a gourmet marshmallow eater.

Comments

The Beginning
About Joules (from Pocketful of Joules)

Julie Dellinger (aka Joules from Pocketful of Joules) has been blogging since 2011 on everything from losing a job, finding a new one, selling a house, buying a house, moving twice, getting pregnant and popping out a baby 2 months early. She’s a full time working mother, a blogger, a DIYer, a writer and a gourmet marshmallow eater.

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Comments

  1. I love this piece because Joules hits on an important aspect of parenting, being able to “roll with the punches” and learning to trust ourselves. So many of us have a tendency to over think. But sometimes it’s just about love and instinct and being present in the moment.

  2. “Here’s the thing though, there is no recipe that you can follow that will result in the “perfect” person every single time.”

    So true. And as soon as you think you have it *somewhat* figured out, your child hits a new stage with new needs, or along comes your other child with *entirely* different needs/responses.

    Great post!

  3. James Hudyma says:

    We wing it. I like that. I see it like well-researched, well-intended improvisation that is fluid and always moves in the best interests of our kids.

    Sounds like your little guy is in good hands and will no doubt be the amazing dad you know he will be someday.

  4. therookiedad says:

    There are two different types of parents, the wingers and bookers. I have a family member who goes by the book who’s kid is a brat, won’t play with kids, won’t share, or has a FIRM schedule and then I look at our kid who is always willing to play along with his friends and wants to play with other kids and just goes with the flow.

  5. readbradthedad says:

    I’ve never picked up a parenting book I agree with. More specifically, I’ve never picked up a parenting book. I agree with you 100% and operate mainly on instincts. I base everything I do on a combination of how my parents raised me and what my gut tells me. After that, I take my cues from the kids. If something doesn’t work after repeated attempts, I’m not going to keep trying that same method. It’s up to me to read their signs and know when something is working and when something isn’t working. Right before we were discharged from the hospital after the birth of our first son, one of the doctors said to us – “He will tell you everything you need to know,” and those words have stuck with my wife and I nearly 6 years later.

  6. Joules (Pocketful of Joules) says:

    Thank you everyone for your comments and feedback!

  7. Jennifer Provenzano says:

    This is lovely Joules! I’m so very glad that you were kind enough to share your take on this topic…You’re all humor and heart! I love that about you!

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