Sucking snot and other parenting nastiness

The other day some of my team members and I were having a random discussion after dinner with the foreign military we are working with. One of the guys in the room used a utensil of mine (for the sake of the story, we’ll just say it was a straw) and gave it back. I didn’t mind him using it, but I discretely sanitized my hands and cleverly wiped said utensil down before using again myself. One of my team saw me do it and made a comment about it.

The conversation dominoed into me doing the same thing with my kids. Maybe not with hand sanitizer, but I don’t care who you are, kids slobber and no-one likes putting their mouth back onto a spit-covered bottle, fork, spoon—whatever—so, yes, I will wipe things off before using them again. I told him that even my wife pretty much refused to drink after our kids when they were little-little. I don’t blame her. When you watch them backwash, its pretty disgusting.

The guy I was talking to told me that was messed up.

Wait—what?

He proceeded to tell me that he doesn’t wipe stuff off, etc., that they were your kids and that makes the slob ‘ok’. He then took it a step further and said that he has gone so far as to suck the snot out of his baby’s nose.

*Cue stifling of vomit*

I’m sure you can imagine how the conversation went after that. I was disgusted, he was argumentative… Anyway, I get having to get your hands dirty when you have kids. I’ve been covered in snot, blood, piss, crap, vomit, sticky, and God only knows what else. I also get that sometimes you have to do what you have to do. In his case, the little mini turkey snot baster just wasn’t clearing his little boy’s nose. A kid’s gotta breathe, but I’m telling you it would have to be one hell of a situation before I literally sucked my kid’s snot with my mouth.

Nuh uh. No thanks.

Well, me being the naturally curious guy I am, I’d like to know what kind of nastiness you have gotten into as a parent. Ever get yourself wrist deep in something you didn’t exactly ask for? Ever suck the snot yourself? Tell us below about your nastiest moment as a parent or what your opinion on the matter is.

The Beginning
About Brandon P. Duncan

Brandon is a father, husband, and US Soldier. In addition to being a co-founder and resident code-monkey for for DadsRT, he can be found building (literally) his woodworking skills, drawing crappy cartoons, or writing on one of his numerous book projects.

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Comments

  1. Left Coast Dad says:

    EEEEEEWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!

  2. James Hudyma says:

    Sucking snot. Nope. Never. That’s disgusting. Our first was a preemie as you know from my last post so my introduction into parenthood wasn’t normal. We were always worrying about germs so other than being puked on, peed on by my son, or getting a little poop on my fingers, I don’t have an exceptionally gross story.

  3. My son came home from school with a backpack full of crap covered clothes in a plastic sack. I wouldn’t have known it if I hadn’t opened his backpack as soon as he got in the car. The smell was overwhelming. (I didn’t notice he was wearing something different). He had pooped on himself and was too afraid to tell anyone until his teacher noticed the smell. We got home and he still had it smeared like dried paint all over him. Apparently the teachers aren’t allowed in the bathroom so he had to clean himself up and pass his own QA check. I put him in the shower and had to scrub him raw to get it all off. The clothes went immediately into the trash outside. I definitely didn’t ask for that, and that was probably the nastiest moment I’ve dealt with. I certainly would have done that any day, though, than deliberately sucking snot from my kid’s nose.

  4. There’s been plenty of nasty moments with poop and pee, but there’s no way in hell I’m sucking snot out of a kids nose. I’m with Jared, the worst I had to do was wipe down a kid with poop dried all over his butt and legs.

  5. Bill Ward says:

    I have a hard time sharing drinks with my kids because of the little “fishies” they leave behind floating in the drink. And I have had to clean some seriously snotty noses before. I have been up to my elbows in poo and even had it kicked in my face. But sucking snot straight from the nose with my mouth would be pretty far fetched. Especially with all the manual and electrical suckers out there.

    • Brandon P. Duncan says:

      Well, as the story goes, it was an emergency sucking. The little baster-sucker-thing apparently wasn’t working. He did try it first, lol. Thanks for stopping in and commenting!

  6. I know I’m a little late to the party on this one, but I just wanted to add that there is a product available for purchase ( http://www.amazon.com/Nosefrida-The-Snotsucker-Nasal-Aspirator/dp/B00171WXII ) which I am not ashamed to say my wife and I own. Our now-9-month-old son had a cold a few months ago and we didn’t even bother with the enema bulb-type aspirators. The snotsucker, though, worked like a charm. There’s a filter involved so you don’t actually end up sucking the kid’s snot into your mouth, but you’re basically putting a straw in the kid’s nose and sucking the stuff right out.

  7. Mama Bear says:

    Lurking Mom here, sorry…
    Trick I learned which came in handy MANY times: when son decides that pebbles/not-so-small-pebbles/lima beans/bandaids (oops wait that last one was my daughter) are appropriate items with which to decorate the interior of one’s nostrils, remember basic anatomy. Mouths are connected to noses and in a simply mechanic way, plug one hole, blow in another and said item will pop out of third. Voila! Might be gross but works like a charm.

    • Brandon P. Duncan says:

      That is an interesting take. My clumsiness in mind, I would be afraid not to plug something and accidentally blow them up like a balloon. You know, Murphy and all.

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