Midway through scrubbing a month of soap scum from the sides of the bathtub, Noodle jumped off my back, ran into the living room, shredded a full roll of paper towels on the freshly vacuumed rug, and insisted that he was a bullfrog — from the tips of his toes to the top of his lungs. I probably should have put the scum scraping off until his mother got home, but this is what ambition looks like for a stay-at-home dad. I can’t say I recommend it.
If I had been sitting in the living room, quietly doing nothing of consequence, the rug would have remained neatly vacuumed. Noodle would have played with his toy ambulance. I would have joined him on the floor with a fire truck and a box of blocks. We would have built a fire station from the blocks. The EMTs and the firemen would have had conversations about the crash to which they were responding. I might have even gotten to be the fireman this time.
Of course, the bathtub would still be a slick of old brown soap, the cleaning of which I have put off this long because I knew — I just knew — that a cascade of disasters would follow. And I knew that I wasn’t ready to handle the disasters; I hadn’t the energy to keep up with the inevitable room-to-room slop rotation that only a three-year-old can manage. Until now, I had procrastinated. It was my defense mechanism.
In a way, though, it’s not really procrastination. It’s self-preservation. Parenting is about timing, and putting things off isn’t always about not wanting to do them. It’s about not wanting to do all that accompanies doing things that your Noodle doesn’t want to do. When you focus your attention on cleaning up a mess over here, you can be sure that he’s making a mess over there, away from your watchful eye.
If you don’t want to spend your day chasing messes from room to room, don’t start tidying them. Why not put off what doesn’t need to be done now? Laid Back Dad’s tip: clean up after they’ve grown up. Don’t put off joining your kids in making chaos. You’ll be missing out.
About Brian Sorrell
“Don’t put off joining your kids in making chaos. You’ll be missing out.”
Absolutely love this line. Obviously it’s an attention grab by our kids when they feel that they are not getting ours, but the spin you put on it is positively brilliant. This is kind of like one of those “it’s about the journey, not the destination” lessons. Our adult chores will never end, but rather will just keep repeating to infinity, but the youth of our children will.
Awesome perspective, thanks for sharing.
Totally agree with Brad. Love that line.
Brian, first, welcome to DadsRT! More importantly, this is great. My takeaway is definitely the point you make at the end. As much as I’d love to stay and chat, I’ve been inspired to go make chaos with the kiddos!
Well, done.
Hey, someone’s playin’ my song. Rat-a-tat-tat. Great post and welcome. I’m a stay at home dad too. You’re right, most of the time it’s just about what little bit of damage control you can without making a bigger mess so you can make the most of your time with the kids. My neurosis for keeping a clean house overtakes me sometimes, but in general I try to work housework around daddying, not the other way around. It’s still very difficult. I really cracked up at “cascade of disasters.” I spent the majority of the day cleaning and doing laundry yesterday and it still looks like the cascade hit me.
I don’t work weekends so I can 2/7 relate. ha ha. I get really frustrated trying to keep up with the mess and sometimes I feel like I spend my entire weekend cleaning.
It must be a general feeling among parents that we feel like all we do is clean on the weekends. We are the same way but that is just because we have the time to do it with post parents around in our house.
Now I just need to convince my wife that this is really a great idea.
Welcome to DadsRT!
I do not like waiting around to do something but I have learned as a parent that even if something needs to be on Wednesday, it can wait until Saturday. Playing with my son is more important, and I can get things done when my wife is around on the weekends.
Timing is everything! You are not kidding, it’s good to have a game plan to get things done during nap time, or lunch. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices to get through your day, but one of them should never be time with your children. Great post and welcome to the Round Table!
Great Post! This really opened up my eyes to see how much I am missing out on when I find myself chasing messes instead of spending the time making them and enjoying watching my kids grow up.
Thanks!