2013 Couldn’t End Soon Enough

I am going to win the award for most vague post ever as I really don’t want to fully get into what I am going through.  Nobody is dying so you can get that thought out of your head, but sometimes it feels as if the life IS being sucked out of me.  I really don’t have many places to turn when it comes to personal issues.  After spending a full day in the city with my friends doing the usual getting drunk and eating wings, my wife asked me how my friends were doing.  I honestly  had no answer.  As far as I knew, they were doing good.  There were no issues that were brought to my attention, we basically spent the day drinking and having a good time.

“Don’t you think that is a problem?” My wife asked.

A lof of reflection in the coming months

I never really thought of it.  Maybe my friends were actually acquaintances.  I mean these aren’t people that I would ever call up and spill my guts to, at least I haven’t in the past.  The truth is, I don’t have many close friends.  Most of the people that I hang out with are friends of my wife AND I.  My wife also has her close friends, but me?  There really aren’t any that I go out of my way to call on a regular basis.  Who do I talk to when I have a personal guy issue? Why can’t my relationships be more like my wife and her close friends?

Looking back I have always been that way, more content to hang out with people than really getting to know them.  Aside from a few people, I really don’t know much about their day to day workings.  I always thought that was a guy thing, but that can’t be the case.  Does every guy on the planet just go out drinking with his friends and not really talk about issues in their lives.  I tried it once and didn’t really get the answer I was looking for.  Perhaps the pitchers of beer in front of us didn’t really lend themselves to having a deep meaningful conversation.  The only time it seems that we get together is for an excuse to go drinking.  The truth is I need more than that out of friends.

So who do I turn to?

At this point I don’t know, but I have to turn to myself first.  That’s why I am starting with this completely general post in hopes that one day I will find the answer that I am looking for, or worse an answer that wish I didn’t hear.

-JW

Comments

The Beginning
About Daddysincharge

After 15 years as a News Photographer in the fast paced world of television news, I am now knee deep in Legos and laundry as the stay at home dad to to little boys. It was my choice to stay at home, so don’t look at me like I am some kid of freak show. We’re all parents just trying to raise our kids the right way. Some might be better at it than others, but if our kids love us for who we are, who cares.

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Comments

  1. Left Coast Dad says:

    I have one friend right now. He’s also a friend of my wife. We talk about “serious” stuff, but since I get out of the house about once a month, my social life is pretty null and void. My friend and I sort of have an understanding, he knows (mostly) when to shut up about the stuff he and I talk about, but even then, it’s not like I actually have any friends of my own.

    Ashamedly, I haven’t told my wife I’m a contributor here because I sort of almost see this place as “mine” – a sort of secret refuge where I can bring up some of those things I need to get off my chest but don’t want to talk to my wife about or need a different perspective.

    When my wife had her latest miscarriage over the summer, I wound up talking to people over the internet more about it than anybody else. Even my (our) friend).

    I’m not sure where I’m going with all of this. I’ll stop now I guess.

  2. I understand this 100%. I have tried to build those close relationships, but they have not happened, or maybe I miss an opportunity to go deeper because of my sarcasm. Whatever the case, I end up retreating inside myself whenever I am stressed or having some guy-issues I need to deal with.

    I honestly don’t have the energy to build these kinds of relationships now, because I’ve tried and failed, and I’d rather just internalize at this point. However, stress, internalized effects your health; so I just feel stuck some days.

  3. Chloe says:

    I think the real problem here is that you are a guy, which in my opinion is actually no problem at all. Guys have different types of relationships with other guys than women have with women. This is not a bad thing that needs desperate measures, like reading a self-help books or anything drastic like that. This is normal. Your wife means well, and she wants you to have the same fulfilling relationships she has, and therefore is thinking your relationships needs to be like hers, but I personally think that’s bullshit.

  4. I have a blog post/article on the same sort of topic that has been in perpetual “draft” status for several months, so I commend you for putting it out there. Honestly, I don’t know any men-folk that are any different than you, me, JB or Left Coast Dad. I know some at my church that expound on the importance of men establishing close friendships with one another, I even think that some of them are capable of it, but I don’t see evidence of it in being put into practice. There have been many, many days when I looked outside myself, but couldn’t step out. Is it a trust issue? In my case, that’s part of it, but not the whole enchilada. Good post, brother, even though you don’t think so.

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