I Don’t Want to be Fat

My wife in no uncertain terms called me fat the other day.

It stung, it really did.

I know that I have put on some weight since I got married, forty pounds to be exact. It’s been a gradual gain, but one that I am fully aware of.  Like a lot of people that have gained weight we have a warped idea of what we look like.  I still look at myself in the mirror and see the person that I was when I got married in 2000.  Am I completely happy with that man in the mirror?  The answer is no.

My wife obviously sees me differently than I do.

I am the size of a gorilla

The sting of those words will be something that lives with me.  The truth is, up until this point I have been extremely lazy with my health while my wife busts her ass everyday to make herself look better than she did 12 years ago.  She still looks like that hot young chick I married back then.  I know that I am not alone amongst my brethren.  I see a lot of guys my age that have put on a few pounds since they were married and they usually have a wife that maintains her good looks. Nobody I know is in a relationship where that is reversed. Look around, there are not too many fat women married to really good looking guys.

It doesn’t seem fair does it?

I know that I should have a daily goal to be in better shape than the day before and that I should want to look good for my wife.  But that hasn’t been the case.  The truth is I do need other goals to get myself in shape, something to strive for in the future.  A year ago I was part of a website called Dadfit, the idea was that a bunch of dads would look out for each other and we would all get in better shape.  We all talked a good game about how we needed to be healthy for our kids and our wives, some of us actually were at it about a month… then it died.  We all had a goal, but there really wasn’t something to shoot for.

Take a look, it’s still there.

I don’t know if anyone maintained their fitness program, the only thing that I know is the last post was July 4th of this year. Somewhere we all gave up, again.  I have set a goal.  I was never a runner, I never wanted to be a runner, in fact I hate running, but my wife has been looking for someone to run a half marathon in May.  I think I might just step in and do it.

If she can see me crossing the finish line after 13.1 miles, maybe, just maybe she might not see me as this fat guy, but as the man she married 12 years ago.  I’m not doing this just for me… I’m doing this for us.




The Beginning
About Daddysincharge

After 15 years as a News Photographer in the fast paced world of television news, I am now knee deep in Legos and laundry as the stay at home dad to to little boys. It was my choice to stay at home, so don't look at me like I am some kid of freak show. We're all parents just trying to raise our kids the right way. Some might be better at it than others, but if our kids love us for who we are, who cares.

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  1. James Hudyma says:

    I really hope you find the motivation.

    “…there are not too many fat women married to really good looking guys.” Totally not fair and is also a statement about how many men don’t hold themselves to the same standard as their partners.

    I was so proud to be part of DadFit and I still think it was a great idea but for whatever reason, for many of us, it failed. I still have the hashtag attached to my Twitter bio because I’m afraid if I delete it I’ll be totally giving up.

    • reth1nk says:

      I totally feel that the comment about “not too many fat women married to really good looking guys” depends on where you’re looking. I live in Bellevue, Wa now and am amazed at the women who spend all day at yoga hanging on the arm of the guy who has obviously been slaving behind a desk all day to accodate her, but when I lived in Everett, Wa or even Boise, Id it was quite the different story. I think that socio-economic status also has a lot to do with it. I know guys whose jobs require a lot of physical activity and whose partners’ dont which might lead to some quiet judgments doesn’t take away from the fact that it does happen.

  2. Nikki says:

    Eeeek! Recently went through this in my hovel as well. My Darling Husband (DH) stepped on the scale and flipped his ever lovin’ lid when it read 215. Now, he’s a tall, well-built man, so I didn’t see the problem with it. But HE did. We’ve been together for close to 20 years and I tell him I didn’t marry him for his body or his hair. Well, he started the Insanity! workout, changed his diet (meals were a HUGE factor in his weight gain and he knew it) and after just 1 month, he dropped almost 20lbs. Here we are, 3 months later and he has toned up and slimmed down to a svelte 175. Course, I do the same dang work out and my weight loss was like 7lbs. But that is another story for another day. The long and the short of it is that HE made the choices that packed on the extra weight (i.e. gorging at dinner to the point of being uncomfortable for the rest of the evening and then skipping a meal because he was busy) and thus HE had to make the choice(s) to lose the the weight. I assisted with the meal planning (making sure the “amounts” on his plate were in line with the dietary recommendations, switching to whole-wheat or whole-grains for the carb selections, etc.) but HE had to do the work. And he didn’t do it for me or for The Nugget but for HIM. He now looks like the 25 year old I married all those years ago and I have to admit – hubba hubba. But the point is, he did it for HIM. Not me. Not society. Ok, and partly because he hates shopping as much as I do and losing the extra padding was infintely more appealing than shopping for a new wardrobe. 😛

  3. reth1nk says:

    I feel you for the most part on what you’re going through.
    I’m built like a bowling ball. I’m 5’8″ and haven’t weighed less than 200lbs since 8th grade, but was always told that i “wear it well” and was actually told by a doctor once that “big-boned” is a clinical term and not just an excuse. I’m built and look like my uncle who played center for UCLA football back in the day, but was lucky enough to be a foot taller than me.
    I’ve struggled with trying to find ways to live healthy and maintain my weight during my adulthood, but over the last two years have definitely noticed myself cross into the realm of “feeling” fat. I’ve had to buy larger pants and belts that for some reason just wont stay up no matter what i try and hate the feeling of letting them balance precariously on my hips. I have stopped wearing dress shirts to work as I feel they are constantly having to be tucked back in over the gut i’ve developed.
    I have tried and had great success when focused on many different diet and exercise routines, but like what you seem to have gone through I lose momentum and it generally gets de-prioritized among all the other things i have vying for my attention in the meager 24hrs the day provides (I mean, it’s 4am and i’m working on a coding project while reading and replying to blog posts, right).
    I know where my problems lie, but it’s in getting control over them when the stuff hits the fan that’s difficult. I’m a healthy eater, but will go from waking up until 7pm without eating, then get home from a long day at work and eat a large dinner, then get struck by cravings for savory snacks late at night while trying to put my day behind me. I know that with proper planning i could prepare small meals to eat throughout the day, but when it comes time to put that simple plan into action, there is running the kids somewhere or another fire to put out at work, etc.
    I know what you’re going through and wish you the best of luck getting where you want to be. Hopefully you reach that finish line in May. Good luck.

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