We’re the Worst Parents. We Made our Kids Get Rid of their Halloween Candy

My kids came home with several pounds of candy after Halloween. Good stuff, too — M&M’s, Hershey bars, Reese’s peanut butter cups, Twizzlers, Starburst. It was a kid’s dream.

But not our kids. After dumping out all those sweet treats on the dining room table my wife and I looked at each other with a knowing glance. We couldn’t let all this candy encamp in our home. It wasn’t good for our kids and it wasn’t good for us. So, we did the only thing that any good parent would do — begin figuring out ways to separate our kids from their candy.

We couldn’t just dump it in the garbage. That would be too brazen.

We couldn’t begin to quietly siphon it for ourselves. That would be too unhealthy.

We don’t own an animal to eat it.

Then, my wife had an idea. Exchange it for cash.

We looked online and found several dentists in the area that will trade money for candy. What happens to the candy after that? I have no idea but I’m pretty sure the dentist doesn’t eat it. Maybe they save it and give out to kids next Halloween.

We brought our kids to the table and broke the news to them.

“Listen guys,” we said. “We know that you are psyched about all your Halloween candy but we’ve got to have a talk. This is simply too much candy and there’s no way that we’ll eat it all and no reason we should eat it all.”

“Ok,” they said, eyeing us warily, with a child’s skepticism and  disbelief.

“How about trading this candy for cash?” we said. “We’ve found a dentist who will take some of this candy and give you money for it.

“And, to make the deal a little sweeter, we’ll match whatever the dentist gives you.”

“You mean we can buy toys with the money?” they wanted to know.

“You can buy whatever you want,” we said.

We could tell the wheels were spinning. Sure, those candies looked tasty but new toys trump just about everything. They consented and we split up the candy. Mommy & Daddy put aside a few pieces, the boys picked out their favorites and about half of the Halloween haul got put into a bag bound for a person whose job it is to care for our teeth. It was a great example of problem solving, teamwork and compromise.

And maybe we’ve held a few cavities at bay for an extra year or two.

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Two boys, one wife and a ton of material. I live for family and I’m one of the most blessed people you will ever meet.

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