Legend has it that when I was 4 years old I left a shoe on the stairs and nearly caused my father to fall and break his neck. Fortunately, my charm and quick wit helped me avoid a major punishment.
When my father scolded me I looked at him and said, “Don’t say me dammit, Daddy.”
How could you punish a kid who can pull off a line like that?
There haven’t been any shoe incidents or near-death experiences with my kids. Not yet anyway. But there have been lots of laugh out loud lines. Like the other day when I was singing the “Thomas the Train” theme song to my boys. The not-nearly 2-year-old looked vexed and piped up with, “No, Dada. Don’t say that!” Ok, ok. I guess I can cancel my plans to audition for “American Idol.”
Whether biting, funny or simply providing a hilarious non sequitur, the things that my kids say — that spring from their mouths — rarely fail to disappoint. I highly recommend having children simply for the pure enjoyment of their wordplay.
When his little brother was born, the 3-year-old was just learning to talk but one line stands out above all the rest. At nap time, he looked at his brother’s crib and begged, “I want to get in his cage.” It was so cute to think that he not only wanted to be like his brother but that he hopes to one day live in a zoo.
Oftentimes it’s difficult to distill the meaning of their meanderings. Months ago, the 3-year-old ran past me in a flash with Usain Bolt-like speed. He stopped just long enough to inform me that he was “going to get in my closet with my naked penis.” If you know what he was talking about, please comment below.
Potty training time always unearths a few gems, like “I want to watch Winnie the Poop.” My son was also fond of vividly describing his output. Since this is a family blog, I’ll spare you that potty humor.
Their verbal volleys have led to the creation of words that have become a staple of our family’s communication. For instance, the 22-month-old cannot say the word “strawberries.” The other morning at the breakfast table, we asked the 3-year-old what his brother was saying. His response? “Strawbabies.” You should’ve heard the uproar! For now on, it’s strawbabies, bluebabies, raspbabies, etc. We’re weird, I’ll admit it.
Sometimes these kids are simply too smart for their own good. “Daddy, why do big people drive baby cars?” my 3-year-old asked me one day. I did not have a good answer for him. He also adroitly pointed out once that, “My big toe is my thumb toe.”
But my all-time favorite proves that the 3-year-old is an accidental comedian. In the grocery store a woman asked him, “Do you have a girlfriend?’ My son said, “Yes. Two of them.” She was impressed. Then, he asked the woman, “Does your husband have a girlfriend?” Good night and try the veal!