The right tool for the job

This is a prompted story from a writing prompt entitled: “Through the eyes of a child”. We were asked to either write a piece describing a location from the perspective of a child or an alternate perspective than what we are used to.

~~~

…tic-tic, tic-tic, tic-tic…

“The damn thing’s getting louder…”

…tic-tic, tic-tic, tic-tic…

“Annoying…”

Tim tried to open his eyes. The light accosted his dilated pupils, causing him to quickly blink then squint at increasing intervals until open completely. He looked around.

The coffee table caught his attention first. He thought it interesting that the underside had not received the same mahogany stain as the outer portion. He wondered what the hastily stamped triangle symbol with OL stood for. He dismissed both thoughts.

…tic-tic, tic-tic, tic-tic…

“Enough already…”

Turning his head to the right, he looked at the bookshelf. That, too, lacked the veneer sticker on the underside of the shelves. “What the hell?” he thought. He also noticed the yellow moving company inventory sticker peeking out from behind his worn copies of The Far Side. “I’ll be damned—missed another one.”

…tic-tic, tic-tic, tic-tic…

“Damn thing…”

He attempted to sit up. A wave of dull pain mixed with dizziness washed through his head, causing him to lie back down. The front door closing sent another.

“Oh my God! Are you ok?” Sarah rushed into the living room.

“Shhh.”

Sarah lifted the broken dining room chair, inspecting the splintered wood and glue. The leg that used to be in its place sat next to it on the floor. She looked around the room. Seeing nothing else broken, she asked “what were you doing?”

“That damn fan. I had enough.”

“Uh, what exactly were you trying to trying to fix it with?” she looked around once more.

“Screwdriver. It’s over here…under the couch.” Without looking, he pointed behind him. “There’s a very large dust bunny under there, by the way. It appears to be rabid.”

Sarah chuckled.

“I think we need a new fan.” He smiled “And chair, perhaps?”

“C’mon, Mister Fix-it” she laughed “we’ll get you a ladder while we’re out, too.”

…tic-tic, tic-tic, tic-tic…

Comments

The Beginning
About Brandon P. Duncan

Brandon is a dad, husband, US Soldier, and co-founder of Dads Round Table.
When not knee-deep in one of those things, he can often be found tinkering with a woodworking project, writing, drawing, or Photoshopping something... or napping... or he's hurt himself again... or... something...

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Comments

  1. You have a wonderful way with imagery and words. The dust bunny was funny. I love humor. Just wondering though if he hit his head so hard that he couldn’t sit up should he be going shopping? And maybe his wife might show a little more concern about him rather than the chair and other broken things around the house.

    I’m not comfortable giving concrit so I am having a hard time pushing the button to post this comment. But that is what Story Dam is about right? Here goes…

    • Brandi says:

      Julie, after I read that I thought… WOW, are people going to think I would have made a bigger deal about the chair and taking him shopping for a new ladder? instead of to the ER!

      so yah, I agree with Julie, she needed to get her priorities straight 🙂

      • brandon says:

        You’re right. Although, some people would do the whole: “you ok?”, get an answer, then go straight into “look what you did to my chair!” 😉

        Good call, though. Thanks, Babe.

    • brandon says:

      No, you are absolutely correct on both accounts. And don’t be afraid to post a comment (unless you are just being hateful, which I know you would never do, lol!)

      Yes, I agree with you wholeheartedly. I thought the same thing after reading it, went ahead, and published anyway. I think I was going more for “stunned” or just having him “get his bell rung”, but I took it a little further than necessary. Something to look at in the future.

      Very good observation! Thank you.

  2. I sat here thinking and thinking, because I really like this piece. The first time I read it, it was for pure enjoyment. The second time was slower, chewed carefully, and digested slowly (lol). In the beginning, I found myself remembering several pieces of furniture that had no stain on the bottom to match the rest of it. It was an enjoyable moment. I found myself wondering what had happened to him until his wife slammed the door. I thought maybe it was just a migraine or something, but then when she reacts, and instead of rushing to help him up off the floor or something, she runs to the chair to inspect its damage? I can think of a few wives that are that mean spirited but they wouldn’t be bantering in joking way back and forth with their husband either. Maybe Sarah should help him off the floor first, then inspect the chair, because the humor and the back and forth are really really fantastic between them. You really had me there in the room with them. I even saw him point over his head and under the couch. Ha. I probably have a dust bunny to rival his under mine.

    (Whew. I hope I did that right.)

    • brandon says:

      More good observations. Maybe I could have pulled off the desired effect if I had added a little more dialogue/interaction with him saying he was fine, and to just to give him a second. I think that could have worked pretty well.

      I am glad you could picture the couch pointing thing. That image makes me chuckle, lol!

      Thanks for the thorough review.

  3. Rabid dust bunnies… I haven’t heard that phrase in a while.

    Interesting perspective (from the floor) and good description. I must say, having been on the end of pointing out the rabid dust bunnies as i lay on my back having fallen off a stool/chair/whatever while doing amateur house repairs, I think the first thing is usually a slammed door, cussing, then a “are you okay?” and a check to see if I have a concussion. After seeing that I was fine, my husband would see the chair and moan “what did you break now?”

    Then laugh at my pain.

    So at least in that sense – the accommodating humor, teasing and self-deprecating humor – this seemed very realistic to what I see most loving couples do.

    • brandon says:

      Agreed. That’s normally how I go about things also. As I pictured this, that is how it played out in my mind. And, yes, it made me laugh. 🙂

      I like how you point out the check first, then laugh. I’m DEFINITELY guilty of that one, and I ensure others around me understand my stance on the topic, lol!

      Thanks for stopping in. And great job on your submission. I liked it!

  4. Donna Sturgeon says:

    Hilarious! Loved it all, especially the missing stain on the bottom of the coffee table. Those furniture makers do love to cut corners! Your observations are spot-on and I could see it clearly with every word I read. I also felt a little guilt creep up as I read the dialogue, remembering when my husband tripped carrying the groceries and I fretted about the eggs before him. LOL Excellent job tugging on my emotions.

    • brandon says:

      They do, don’t they? What’s up with that?

      That’s good, thank you for the compliments. If there is anything I enjoy about getting feedback on my work is the parts about imagery. I try to pay as much attention to that as possible. I want people to feel like they are in it or watching it, not reading about it.

      That’s funny about the eggs… I may or may not be guilty of something like that myself… 😉

  5. Happy Veteran’s Day and thank you for serving our country Brandon. Thank you Brandi for standing along side him and sacrificing all you do too. I look forward to getting to know you both through this great new writing community.

    • brandon says:

      Thank you, Julie. I appreciate the sentiment. I’ll pass this along to Brandi also.

      We’re looking forward to getting to know you also. Keep up the good work! 🙂

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